You never know anyone until you marry them.
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT- To make a happy fire-side clime
- To weans and wife,
- That's the true pathos and sublime
- Of human life.
- ROBERT BURNS, To Dr. Blacklock
I have just celebrated the Marriage of two fantastic people (families really) and the day was magic. It was magic because both the families were good people, loyal, generous, thoughtful of others, and were involved in their respective communities.
Getting married is a great idea because it brings out your best, that is, when you live with someone who cares about you and you care about at a deep level, together you bring about the best in each other. You learn patience, negotiation, how to eat lots of humble pie and apologise (at least that's my experience) and be forgiven.
This part is a huge life lesson that enables growth. As my wife said to me the day after our wedding, "Know you legally have to be here to wake up to every morning". While it was tongue in cheek, the sentiment was real. Because you make this commitment, forging all other paths and possibilities, you have to face yourself, your mistakes, your goodness, your poor choices and your lack of being in control all of the time.
There is no where to hide, not for long anyway. So in this way, you grow and live a deep and rich experience of life.
As someone once said to me, it is not 'finding' the right person, but 'being' the right person that counts, and that makes perfect sense.
All sorts of things can happen to negatively affect a commitment made for life including addictions, adultery, mental illness, and forgetting to connect enough in a way that is meaningful for both people that they forget they are the best friend and first priority of the other.
In research conducted in 2000, the one determining factor across the group that showed up more than any other in predicting the success or longevity of a marriage was...
...marriage preparation!
Not everyone who does it stays or even gets marries, not everyone who doesn't do it separates or divorces - but it is more likely that if you have talked and discussed and reflected on key issues before getting hitched, you increase your chances.
Myth:
50% of marriages don't last.
Reality:
- About 80% of marriages last. the number becomes 50% when people remarry, again, and again, and sometimes again. Once you remarry, your chance of another relationship increases.
- Married people are more likely to live longer according to many studies.
- 50% of women and 33% of men remain angry for ten years after a divorce.
- The probability of a first marriage ending in a divorce within 5 years is 20%, but the probability of a premarital cohabitation breaking up within 5 years is 49%. After 10 years, the probability of a first marriage ending is 33%, compared with 62% for cohabitations.g
- Women who report a fair division of housework were happier in their marriages than women who thought their husbands didn’t do their fair share. Wives also spent more quality time with their husbands when they thought the housework was divided fairly.d
- Most marriages last a lifetime - 66% of first marriages and 60% of all marriages last until one partner dies (Social Trends 2004 ONS)
- POPULARITY – Marriage remains popular and successful.
Most young people aspire to marriage; 92% of 15 year olds want to settle down and marry one day (Sex Under Sixteen, Family Education Trust research report 2000, and Bliss Magazine 2004)
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